Sparsh: The Touch

A Life

Of Silences

Of stolen dreams

Of taunting memories

I see.

A Life

Of hope

Of Joy unleashed

Of Unbridled spirits

I dream.

I reach out

To turn things around;

To touch and heal.

Come.

Join me.

-Humeshkar Nemala

Passing thoughts!

Sometimes we come across people who spice up your life with just their presence.You love them.Cherish them.Want them.And know only too well it is not possible.Yet there is that bit of intangible hope,a desire:chained and buried.To P.I know I will cherish you for ever.
A life....
Of silences
Of Stolen Glances
Of Acerbic words
Of floating dreams and Grounded realities
We continue to live
In the subconcious taverns
Of our fragile minds;
Accepting and Acknowledging
Each others presence!

Twice scorned!

He flipped through the pages of the novel which had won the Booker recently.Disinterested,he looked away towards the door,as if he was expecting someone.The music of Sudha Raghunathan on his ipod was stimulating.Yet,there was a sense of dissatisfaction.Listless.Thathow he would define it. The cappuchino cup was empty.He had been frequenting the new coffee shop on the central campus.Infact he found the place quite invigorating and went on to solve radiative transfer problems with ease.He licked the last bit of the hummus which was on the plate he had ordered almost an hour ago. It was sunday evening.The ususal suspects,his friends, were not there. He wondered what the Canadian Adam was upto. He thought maybe he should call Gayathri and talk to her. Tim was busy with his high energy physics.He was almost about to leave.It was almost 8.He had to TA for a class early the next day.There was stuff to grade.He had to prepare for the class tomorrow.A minute of silence.He closed his eyes and imagined to lock up all his thoughts in a steel chest and throw it deep into the see.That was the end of that weekend.His last two had been more interesting.


About a month ago he had met her at a friends place.Shrishti.She seemed to be quite.Said a hi and made him some tea. He never thought he would meet her again.let alone talk to her twice a day,crib about stuff in general and lend his patient ear to her ramblings.But it happened.There was no looking back

Love,Laughter,Friendship and the Zen of being happy

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Walking the extra mile.....

Whether it is an assignemnet or a deal that needs to be closed or a simple issue of letting someone know what they mean to us, putting in the extra effort to make things different what matters sometimes.

6.10 Am ( A work of fiction)

Its cold and I am in the middle of a dream. Days of insomnia has deprived me of sound sleep.Every day was like a formless white mass mottled with dots of incoherent events; a tie-and-die piece of art by a four year old.Prozac.Racy tunes from latest bollywood hits.An incessant stream of thoughts. Splenda falvored icecreams.Buttery rich popcorn.Coffee from the gas station.Pretty much that seemed to define me.Me.I.Why was I labelling this unfathomable me with a single alphabet "I"?I had moved from Chennai to Stockholm to Auburn. The world was presenting me with fewer and fewer options.To move.To redefine.To be born again.From death to life.

"Good Morning,Mom"
"Good morning Kanna"
Thats how my Mom calls me.
"Mom,how is Dad?"
"He is doing better.The doctors are planning to discharge him tomorrow"
"Good.Good.So are you fine with funds?"
"Kanna,I shall manage it somehow.Dont worry"
I make a mental note to visit Western Union within the next few hours.
"Mom,Yashoda Aunty will not live for long".Tears cloud my eyes.I know its is dark and nobody will be able to see me crying seated on the steps on the third floor.I had started favoring the spot after I had moved in with Dinakar.I could see the stop sign ahead on the road.The construction which was coming up.The occasional car or two which passed through the street.

Heights of Stupidity

Have you ever dropped a phone in water and had to throw it away?

Have you forgotten and put a plastic bowl on an electric stove?

Have you broken a porcelain cup? And injured yourself walking on a small shred you didn’t see?

Have you made changes to your code and did not take a back up? And lost it all?

Have you locked a cabin/desk which doesn’t have a key?

Have you said something you should not have said in front of a girl or a guy you like?

Have you washed your clothes in the laundry along with the new jump drive?

You probably have done all these at some point of your life. Stupid acts of carelessness. Maybe even more stupid ones than what has been mentioned above. Every time we see someone do something like this we judge. Call them stupid. What we don’t realize is the fact that we all do stupid things. It’s only the degree of stupidity which varies. So, the next time you decide on calling someone stupid, think!

Medical Breakthroughs/Miracles

My interests have included many things: politics, economics, science (in particular astrophysics), poetry and culinary delights! Though I cannot boast about my authority in any particular field I consider myself as a Jack of all trades. However in the recent past two issues or rather fields, in a broad sense, have been successful in capturing my attention: that of medicine and stocks. Not because these two are elite fields which can fill coffers quickly, but rather because of the awe and risk associated with them. The pure sense of disbelief which grips an individual whenever something big happens. Whether it is the rise, continued by a further rise and then a sudden fall in the stock prices of a company having its offices in Lexington or the prospect of saving a four-year old somewhere in UK, it gives me an unknown high when I hear about it. The conversation might happen over a casual cup of tea with this new doctor friend of mine, who has an ardent interest in poetry and painting, or over a platter of medhu vadas at the local Indian restaurant with a couple of friends after a visit to the temple.The last week I came across some information which generated enough excitement in me to jump up, read it loud and share it with my friends and family.I thought it was worthy enough to put it on my blog.

The pancreas is a small leaf like organ which produces both exocrinic and endocrinic juices. In short it plays a very important role in the digestion of the food you partake and also in regulating the blood sugars. However in some cases people get diagnosed with pancreatitis. It basically means that your pancreas is inflamed. This could lead to several complications including death. There are two types of pancreatitis: Acute pancreatitis (symptoms include nausea, vomiting, acute abdominal pain) and chronic pancreatitis. Both these forms are dangerous and can cause tissue death of the pancreas. There can also be complications leading to pancreatic cancer. One of the greatest discoveries that can happen is a way of dealing with this problem : Something that would amount to the regeneration of the pancreas. There seems to be light at the end of the tunnel!!Scientific American reports that Belgian scientists have found pancreatic stem cells in mice. If this could be extrapolated to human beings it would serve as a great boon to people suffering from diabetes resulting from the destruction of the beta cells in the pancreas. Hip Hip Hurray!! Though one cannot say with conviction that a cure will be found in the next decade or so, it is still a beginning. A beginning that could bring cheer, to more than 180 million people world wide (according to a WHO estimate), suffering from this disorder. Yes people diabetes is not a disease it is a disorder!

The other piece of news which astonished me was the ingenuity of doctors in UK to use Viagra to keep a four year old alive and fighting a serious heart condition. Viagra is not something one would associate with young girls, but it required thinking out of the box to use it to keep a human life going! Let us hope and pray that Jessica Findlay survives severe multiple bilateral pulmonary stenosis (that’s the name of the condition she suffers from). It is at times like this I start believing in Karma. As a physicist it’s almost blasphemous to be thinking about it, but how else does one explain this cruelty meted out to an unfortunate few?

Demi-Lee Brenan, a fifteen year old Australian girl, witnessed her blood group change from O negative to O positive on receiving a liver transplant. The livers blood stem cells brought about this change by invading her body’s bone marrow. Having happened for the first time this has baffled doctors and scientists all over the world!

Music.....

The last couple of years Music has played a very important role in my life.Moreso Carnatic music.I am not ashamed to say that I was born into an artistically(in this context, music) deprived family.But I do feel sad that I never had an opportunity to learn music;in particular carnatic music.In many instances Carnatic music has been my life saver. This is because of the fact that it is not only coupled with the Hindu religion(which so often helps me strengthen my faith) but also for the simple reason that it has a very therapeutic effect on an individual. I had, in the early 2000's ,listened to Mozart and the rest of the classical composers with the hope that it would clear my clogged up brains!However when I spent quite a bit of time staring at white walls,serpentine tubes carrying liquids to my body and at the invisible but impenetrable wall of disbelief and angst,it was M.S who provided me consolation,faith and to some extent seemed to have cured me.After that I was hooked on to classical carnatic music with much of the needed inspiration being fuelled by Subha Srinivasan.I started to attend every possible concert in the local circuit.The local circuit basically involved Subha,Sujan,Arthi & Niveditha. There have been instances where my admiration for Subha has almost bordered on religious devotion.This is because everytime she sings Kurai Ondrum Illai,Shambo or Sri Chakraraja,I mentally transcend into an altogether different plane where a sense of unexplainable,distilled happiness alone seems to exist.

I always seemed to be at peace after one of these sessions.

Recently I have started having this desire to sing atleast one song properly.And this Navratri,I did try my hand at it.Or should I say my throat?Whatever it was a disaster.Not that I was expecting something different.But atleast I made sure I understood the meaning of what I was singing.Thats a good start,right?I do want to understand the mathematical structure beneath the wonderful music that I hear.I do wish I could sing.I have asked a few people to help me with that.Some always say"Sure!Why not" and end the teaching session right there.Should this deter me from learning to sing?No.I am sure I will keep trying to learn.If not to sing,atleast to appreciate the music better.Maybe five years from now I might sing one song decently.It doesn't matter.When you love something,time is never a constraint.We learn to transcend the sea of time with patience;with eagerness and hope that can only be felt.Something that could not be understood by everyone.

Past...

People I have met have always talked of letting go the past and live in the present.But I do have a very different view. We must learn to treat it like waves on the seashore.Gentle and soothing!Everytime they come back they bring back riches..not of shells with myriad hues,crabs and starfish...but moments of unadulterated joy and pleasurable sadness!!We just need to hang on to them for a while and let them go.Let them go we do, but not before we are thrilled by the very experience.

Some Twenty+ women I need to thank

Here I go.PLK...I still miss you.SAM...I still love classical music,ofcourse carnatic and SAM I wouldnt forget the debate of 1997...VV..you were the closest and still are..DJX...I am still to understand you..Someday we will have a long conversation sitting by some historical ruins,when I would explain why I am the way I am and maybe get to know a little bit more than the fact that you are the only child of your parents..HL..thanks for remembering my BDay from the year you have known me.I know I should have made the trip when I was so badly needed...BP..i am still to find someone patient enough to hear to my poetry.I promise to have a cup of tea with you sometime soon..RK ..you will forever remain lousy;my meaning for this word is different...SY..I remain your brother...EF ..you were just marvellous, an angel sent from above.I can never thank you enough..RS & SS...I always feel comfortable in your presence.Hope to see your grand children:)..PV..you have been an inspiration to do things in a certain way.OMA,LD,JD,SF...you have always made my days better.

Whither goest you?

Its a little past 1Am in the 22nd of July,2007.

This period of time,end of July and beginning of August have always heralded new beginnings,surprises and on one occasion,two years ago, complete disaster. July 26th is going to be an important day.Hopefully it would be a day of fond rememberance. A day when I will be thankful to God for having brought me to this point from young,doubtful,nobody to the present day "dude" who still wants to live life all over! Many people have been responsible for having brought me to this point.Thanks to all of them.Family,friends,relatives,teachers . Fourteen years of schooling.Seven years and three degrees later I found myself in a job.Not satisfied I returned to grad school and have spent close to 4years now.Hopefully within a year or two I should end all this.Find a full time job.What is that going to be.I have no Idea!The basic minimun would mean getting a post doc position.Is it going to be the US/Europe or India?I have no clue. All of a sudden I feel the whole world has shrunk .There is no point running away from anything. There has also been pressures to get married.Not that I dont wish to do that.I had my chances.There were people who would have accepted me the way I am.But ,i wanted to get a Ph.D in Astrophysics and here I am doing it.So everything apart,the only destination that I can see for myself is finishing this up.Just wanted to say something to a few people.Here I go.PLK...I still miss you.SAM...I still love classical music,ofcourse carnatic and SAM I wouldnt forget the debate of 1997...VV..you were the closest and still are..DJX...I am still to understand you..Someday we will have a long conversation sitting by some historical ruins,when I would explain why I am the way I am...BP..i am still to find someone patient enough to hear to my poetry.I promise to have a cup of tea with you soemtime soon..RK ..we have many more dates to go...SY..I remain your brother...EF ..you were just marvellous, an angel sent from above...RS & SS...I always feel comfortable in your presence...

Cheesy Stuff

I consider cheese to be one of the several great culinary inventions in the history of mankind.The list of stuff that one could create with cheese is endless,however I would like to mention one which is simple and nice:The cheese broccoli casserole.A word of caution though: Its very rich and people who watch their calories should be satisfied with a small portion.Here goes the recipe:

Requirements
A box of Ritz crackers
Broccoli
American Singles Cheese
Butter

First lay out a layer of broccoli, then a layer of cheese,then a layer of ritz crackers,layer of broccoli,cheese and ritz crackers.Then pour a cup of butter(you might use more if you want a better flavour) all over,so that you wet the crackers. Set the oven for 350 degrees.Put in the tray and let it bake for 30 to 35 minutes.Pull out the tray and see if all the cheese has melted and the broccoli has been cooked.You may want to bake it for some more time if you want to do so. After baking the top surface might be uneven.I generally use a knife to make it look more even. Try it out and let me know!

Ganga

Ten minute from now it would be seven in the morning.Even as this thought crossed my mind,the phone rang.Still tired from the disturbed sleep,I reach across Asha to recover the cordless.I push my hair back,press the speak button and in an early morning drawl spit the word "Hello"
"Akka,this is Abhishek here". I utter a sigh and say "Hello.Hope everything is fine".The last three months had seen me all alone with Asha. Vivek had been out on this global trot:Amsterdam,Paris,New York,Munich. Everyother possible place one could think of where his company had its foothold. Being a Vice-president was no easy job. Abhishek filled those lonely moments with humour,hope,reason and plain friendship. Just an year younger to me, Abhishek was having fun working on dark matter and dark energy. I hardly knew what that meant.But that was his passion and he seemed to live for the sole reason of unlocking nature's secrets. Was he smart enough to get a Noble?I dont know.Time alone would say that. The last time I had spent a lot of time with him was in High school and he struggled to figure in the first 2o or so ranks.Was he brilliant and just lazy?I dont know an answer for that.After about 5 minutes of pleasntries with him, I ask him to call me later. Ganga would be coming soon. I also have to get Asha ready for school.

A note

The last post is purely a work of fiction. My apologies if there are any similarities with real life people,places or events!

Oooh....what a drama!

Its spring break in Univ of Kentucky and I am travelling home...as home to India.I am in the garden city even as I write this.The trip started with my name being called on the public address system as "Humes".It was the TSA guys..they were interested in know what I was carrying!So I ended up coughing up the code to my suitcase lock. Then spent the next few hours at Newark.This is the first time I am travelling by Air-India and I really was not sure about how the experience would be.Newark airport is not closed ..what i mean by that is you have to go to a different concourse and I had to have the security check again.To add some spice to the wound..AI had its own secondary security system.Thank You!:-( i had to deal with disturbances caused by a big Patel family which was travelling to Ahmedabad for a wedding.Then the drama started.I had my first meal.After sometime I had started throwing up and i used up almost 6 sickness bags.I was afraid to tell the stewardess I was sick because I feared they would keep me back in Paris.So I had to suffer the agony for almost fifteen hours.Tired,I took the next flight from Bombay to Bangalore to discover the loss of my luggage.It had been 16 hours since I had eaten and was really weak.I almost had to draw upon some invisible strength to stay up.After lodging a complaint with AI I came out to discover that the driver who was supposed to pick me up was gone and had to take an auto.Then accompanied by a cousin I had to go to a Nursing home for IV Fluids.Well,the doctor turned down my requests for the IV and I had to make a frantic call to my Family doctor.The drama was to stop with me consuming two spoons of sugar in half a glass of water.Hmm...more did happen.I couldnt bear the smell of the vomit and I dont know if I will ever travel AI again.By the way on the trip from Bombay to Bangalore there were mosquitoes on the aircraft..So much for being International.I had much more surprises in store for me...In the end it just ends up making me a better man!

Words of Wisdom!!

A really quick one. I enjoy listening to good talks,whatever it is on.However the only constraints that i place are
(1) The speaker should be dynamic.
(2) I should understand atleast the first 10 minutes of the Talk.
(3) There should be cookies and tea..haha..i am joking on this one!

Recently i was giving a mock talk.At the end of the talk my advisor told me something which made great sense.Here are the words straight from the horse's mouth:

The first quarter of the talk should be understood by the Secretary in the Office.The second quarter by the graduate student.The third quarter by any faculty member.The last,more advanced stuff,by the members of that particular scientific community.It never hurts to tell people what they already know;atleast for the first few minutes.It helps to make them comfortable and give them a sense of worth for the hour they spend listening to your talk!

The Seattle Diary II-The meeting...

The AAS meeting in jan was held at the Seattle convention center located in downtown seattle.It was a Sunday,but felt more like a working day.The first thing we did was to grab something to eat at the nearby Starbucks shop.Later I came to know from a seasoned scientist that breakfast is always available at the AAS meetings and I just had to make use of it. They do actually serve pretty good stuff-bagels,fruits,croissants,etc.BTW a little bit of trivia:Did you know that the first Starbucks coffee shop is in Seattle and that there is a distinct difference between the logos seen here and at other Starbucks coffee shops?
The day started of RP's talk on He Diagnostic lines.The work is quite seminal and is expected to contribute to the scientific community in a very distinct way.After the talk I hop on to a couple of more sessions.It is quite a learning process...the very act of sitting through talks,discussing related stuff and exchanging ideas opens up a lot of unexplored avenues.
Its lot of fun when you have just five minutes and you have to convey your research findings to your fellow scientists.It almost becomes an art:The way one can do it. Some were good and others just ended screwing it up very badly.Well,that is life....Meanwhile we go and grab some good lunch at a nearby english pub and restaurant.
Meanwhile plans were made to go to the Space Needle. This would later become my idea of a good place to take your date out.The evening was spent at the Typhoon tasting some awesome teas in the company of some good friends who where basically all nerds in one way or the other..but then really nice ones!

The Seattle Diary-I :What lies Beyond?

I was fortunate enough to attend the AAS Jan meeting in Seattle.A lovely city.A great experience.So I decided to write about it.Even before I started I was wondering how i should unravel it all.Should I talk about the best things first?Should I start from the start and end at the end or start at the end and end at the start?There were so many different perspectives being processed at the same time.I am partly confused.Howvever I need to begin.Here it goes....

It was a Saturday evening and for the first time I was seeing some 2000 to 3000 Astrophysicists from almost all the Universities,Research Institutes and other organizations.What made all these people choose astrophysics over other lucrative careers?Let me state something first.From personal experience :It is not easy being an astrophysicist.It is more tough being a smart one.So unless one had this burning desire to actually know what happens many light years away at size scales that are unimaginable,this kind of a meeting would never happen.If people did not think that this was a worthy exercise it would never be supported in the first place.So,what lies beyond?This seems to be the question which keeps UGs,Graduate students,post-docs,profs and other scientific personnel so busy.The meeting served not only as a platform to get to know what was going on in the field of Astronomy& Astrophysics,but also served as a networking event.All this for one cause:To know what lies beyond.So it was at the reception hosted by the American Astronomical Society at the Hyatt that I got hold of a glass of diet coke for four dollars(#@!%) and continued with my journey to understand more of what lies beyond!