Music.....

The last couple of years Music has played a very important role in my life.Moreso Carnatic music.I am not ashamed to say that I was born into an artistically(in this context, music) deprived family.But I do feel sad that I never had an opportunity to learn music;in particular carnatic music.In many instances Carnatic music has been my life saver. This is because of the fact that it is not only coupled with the Hindu religion(which so often helps me strengthen my faith) but also for the simple reason that it has a very therapeutic effect on an individual. I had, in the early 2000's ,listened to Mozart and the rest of the classical composers with the hope that it would clear my clogged up brains!However when I spent quite a bit of time staring at white walls,serpentine tubes carrying liquids to my body and at the invisible but impenetrable wall of disbelief and angst,it was M.S who provided me consolation,faith and to some extent seemed to have cured me.After that I was hooked on to classical carnatic music with much of the needed inspiration being fuelled by Subha Srinivasan.I started to attend every possible concert in the local circuit.The local circuit basically involved Subha,Sujan,Arthi & Niveditha. There have been instances where my admiration for Subha has almost bordered on religious devotion.This is because everytime she sings Kurai Ondrum Illai,Shambo or Sri Chakraraja,I mentally transcend into an altogether different plane where a sense of unexplainable,distilled happiness alone seems to exist.

I always seemed to be at peace after one of these sessions.

Recently I have started having this desire to sing atleast one song properly.And this Navratri,I did try my hand at it.Or should I say my throat?Whatever it was a disaster.Not that I was expecting something different.But atleast I made sure I understood the meaning of what I was singing.Thats a good start,right?I do want to understand the mathematical structure beneath the wonderful music that I hear.I do wish I could sing.I have asked a few people to help me with that.Some always say"Sure!Why not" and end the teaching session right there.Should this deter me from learning to sing?No.I am sure I will keep trying to learn.If not to sing,atleast to appreciate the music better.Maybe five years from now I might sing one song decently.It doesn't matter.When you love something,time is never a constraint.We learn to transcend the sea of time with patience;with eagerness and hope that can only be felt.Something that could not be understood by everyone.

Past...

People I have met have always talked of letting go the past and live in the present.But I do have a very different view. We must learn to treat it like waves on the seashore.Gentle and soothing!Everytime they come back they bring back riches..not of shells with myriad hues,crabs and starfish...but moments of unadulterated joy and pleasurable sadness!!We just need to hang on to them for a while and let them go.Let them go we do, but not before we are thrilled by the very experience.

Some Twenty+ women I need to thank

Here I go.PLK...I still miss you.SAM...I still love classical music,ofcourse carnatic and SAM I wouldnt forget the debate of 1997...VV..you were the closest and still are..DJX...I am still to understand you..Someday we will have a long conversation sitting by some historical ruins,when I would explain why I am the way I am and maybe get to know a little bit more than the fact that you are the only child of your parents..HL..thanks for remembering my BDay from the year you have known me.I know I should have made the trip when I was so badly needed...BP..i am still to find someone patient enough to hear to my poetry.I promise to have a cup of tea with you sometime soon..RK ..you will forever remain lousy;my meaning for this word is different...SY..I remain your brother...EF ..you were just marvellous, an angel sent from above.I can never thank you enough..RS & SS...I always feel comfortable in your presence.Hope to see your grand children:)..PV..you have been an inspiration to do things in a certain way.OMA,LD,JD,SF...you have always made my days better.

Whither goest you?

Its a little past 1Am in the 22nd of July,2007.

This period of time,end of July and beginning of August have always heralded new beginnings,surprises and on one occasion,two years ago, complete disaster. July 26th is going to be an important day.Hopefully it would be a day of fond rememberance. A day when I will be thankful to God for having brought me to this point from young,doubtful,nobody to the present day "dude" who still wants to live life all over! Many people have been responsible for having brought me to this point.Thanks to all of them.Family,friends,relatives,teachers . Fourteen years of schooling.Seven years and three degrees later I found myself in a job.Not satisfied I returned to grad school and have spent close to 4years now.Hopefully within a year or two I should end all this.Find a full time job.What is that going to be.I have no Idea!The basic minimun would mean getting a post doc position.Is it going to be the US/Europe or India?I have no clue. All of a sudden I feel the whole world has shrunk .There is no point running away from anything. There has also been pressures to get married.Not that I dont wish to do that.I had my chances.There were people who would have accepted me the way I am.But ,i wanted to get a Ph.D in Astrophysics and here I am doing it.So everything apart,the only destination that I can see for myself is finishing this up.Just wanted to say something to a few people.Here I go.PLK...I still miss you.SAM...I still love classical music,ofcourse carnatic and SAM I wouldnt forget the debate of 1997...VV..you were the closest and still are..DJX...I am still to understand you..Someday we will have a long conversation sitting by some historical ruins,when I would explain why I am the way I am...BP..i am still to find someone patient enough to hear to my poetry.I promise to have a cup of tea with you soemtime soon..RK ..we have many more dates to go...SY..I remain your brother...EF ..you were just marvellous, an angel sent from above...RS & SS...I always feel comfortable in your presence...

Cheesy Stuff

I consider cheese to be one of the several great culinary inventions in the history of mankind.The list of stuff that one could create with cheese is endless,however I would like to mention one which is simple and nice:The cheese broccoli casserole.A word of caution though: Its very rich and people who watch their calories should be satisfied with a small portion.Here goes the recipe:

Requirements
A box of Ritz crackers
Broccoli
American Singles Cheese
Butter

First lay out a layer of broccoli, then a layer of cheese,then a layer of ritz crackers,layer of broccoli,cheese and ritz crackers.Then pour a cup of butter(you might use more if you want a better flavour) all over,so that you wet the crackers. Set the oven for 350 degrees.Put in the tray and let it bake for 30 to 35 minutes.Pull out the tray and see if all the cheese has melted and the broccoli has been cooked.You may want to bake it for some more time if you want to do so. After baking the top surface might be uneven.I generally use a knife to make it look more even. Try it out and let me know!

Ganga

Ten minute from now it would be seven in the morning.Even as this thought crossed my mind,the phone rang.Still tired from the disturbed sleep,I reach across Asha to recover the cordless.I push my hair back,press the speak button and in an early morning drawl spit the word "Hello"
"Akka,this is Abhishek here". I utter a sigh and say "Hello.Hope everything is fine".The last three months had seen me all alone with Asha. Vivek had been out on this global trot:Amsterdam,Paris,New York,Munich. Everyother possible place one could think of where his company had its foothold. Being a Vice-president was no easy job. Abhishek filled those lonely moments with humour,hope,reason and plain friendship. Just an year younger to me, Abhishek was having fun working on dark matter and dark energy. I hardly knew what that meant.But that was his passion and he seemed to live for the sole reason of unlocking nature's secrets. Was he smart enough to get a Noble?I dont know.Time alone would say that. The last time I had spent a lot of time with him was in High school and he struggled to figure in the first 2o or so ranks.Was he brilliant and just lazy?I dont know an answer for that.After about 5 minutes of pleasntries with him, I ask him to call me later. Ganga would be coming soon. I also have to get Asha ready for school.

A note

The last post is purely a work of fiction. My apologies if there are any similarities with real life people,places or events!

Oooh....what a drama!

Its spring break in Univ of Kentucky and I am travelling home...as home to India.I am in the garden city even as I write this.The trip started with my name being called on the public address system as "Humes".It was the TSA guys..they were interested in know what I was carrying!So I ended up coughing up the code to my suitcase lock. Then spent the next few hours at Newark.This is the first time I am travelling by Air-India and I really was not sure about how the experience would be.Newark airport is not closed ..what i mean by that is you have to go to a different concourse and I had to have the security check again.To add some spice to the wound..AI had its own secondary security system.Thank You!:-( i had to deal with disturbances caused by a big Patel family which was travelling to Ahmedabad for a wedding.Then the drama started.I had my first meal.After sometime I had started throwing up and i used up almost 6 sickness bags.I was afraid to tell the stewardess I was sick because I feared they would keep me back in Paris.So I had to suffer the agony for almost fifteen hours.Tired,I took the next flight from Bombay to Bangalore to discover the loss of my luggage.It had been 16 hours since I had eaten and was really weak.I almost had to draw upon some invisible strength to stay up.After lodging a complaint with AI I came out to discover that the driver who was supposed to pick me up was gone and had to take an auto.Then accompanied by a cousin I had to go to a Nursing home for IV Fluids.Well,the doctor turned down my requests for the IV and I had to make a frantic call to my Family doctor.The drama was to stop with me consuming two spoons of sugar in half a glass of water.Hmm...more did happen.I couldnt bear the smell of the vomit and I dont know if I will ever travel AI again.By the way on the trip from Bombay to Bangalore there were mosquitoes on the aircraft..So much for being International.I had much more surprises in store for me...In the end it just ends up making me a better man!

Words of Wisdom!!

A really quick one. I enjoy listening to good talks,whatever it is on.However the only constraints that i place are
(1) The speaker should be dynamic.
(2) I should understand atleast the first 10 minutes of the Talk.
(3) There should be cookies and tea..haha..i am joking on this one!

Recently i was giving a mock talk.At the end of the talk my advisor told me something which made great sense.Here are the words straight from the horse's mouth:

The first quarter of the talk should be understood by the Secretary in the Office.The second quarter by the graduate student.The third quarter by any faculty member.The last,more advanced stuff,by the members of that particular scientific community.It never hurts to tell people what they already know;atleast for the first few minutes.It helps to make them comfortable and give them a sense of worth for the hour they spend listening to your talk!

The Seattle Diary II-The meeting...

The AAS meeting in jan was held at the Seattle convention center located in downtown seattle.It was a Sunday,but felt more like a working day.The first thing we did was to grab something to eat at the nearby Starbucks shop.Later I came to know from a seasoned scientist that breakfast is always available at the AAS meetings and I just had to make use of it. They do actually serve pretty good stuff-bagels,fruits,croissants,etc.BTW a little bit of trivia:Did you know that the first Starbucks coffee shop is in Seattle and that there is a distinct difference between the logos seen here and at other Starbucks coffee shops?
The day started of RP's talk on He Diagnostic lines.The work is quite seminal and is expected to contribute to the scientific community in a very distinct way.After the talk I hop on to a couple of more sessions.It is quite a learning process...the very act of sitting through talks,discussing related stuff and exchanging ideas opens up a lot of unexplored avenues.
Its lot of fun when you have just five minutes and you have to convey your research findings to your fellow scientists.It almost becomes an art:The way one can do it. Some were good and others just ended screwing it up very badly.Well,that is life....Meanwhile we go and grab some good lunch at a nearby english pub and restaurant.
Meanwhile plans were made to go to the Space Needle. This would later become my idea of a good place to take your date out.The evening was spent at the Typhoon tasting some awesome teas in the company of some good friends who where basically all nerds in one way or the other..but then really nice ones!

The Seattle Diary-I :What lies Beyond?

I was fortunate enough to attend the AAS Jan meeting in Seattle.A lovely city.A great experience.So I decided to write about it.Even before I started I was wondering how i should unravel it all.Should I talk about the best things first?Should I start from the start and end at the end or start at the end and end at the start?There were so many different perspectives being processed at the same time.I am partly confused.Howvever I need to begin.Here it goes....

It was a Saturday evening and for the first time I was seeing some 2000 to 3000 Astrophysicists from almost all the Universities,Research Institutes and other organizations.What made all these people choose astrophysics over other lucrative careers?Let me state something first.From personal experience :It is not easy being an astrophysicist.It is more tough being a smart one.So unless one had this burning desire to actually know what happens many light years away at size scales that are unimaginable,this kind of a meeting would never happen.If people did not think that this was a worthy exercise it would never be supported in the first place.So,what lies beyond?This seems to be the question which keeps UGs,Graduate students,post-docs,profs and other scientific personnel so busy.The meeting served not only as a platform to get to know what was going on in the field of Astronomy& Astrophysics,but also served as a networking event.All this for one cause:To know what lies beyond.So it was at the reception hosted by the American Astronomical Society at the Hyatt that I got hold of a glass of diet coke for four dollars(#@!%) and continued with my journey to understand more of what lies beyond!

A Time to Think...

The first of Januray has always been special to me in someway or the other.I have kind of been brought up with the school of thought that whate ver I do on the New Year Day would be what I would do the most the rest of the year.So it had always been rising up early that day,visitng the temple with my parents,followed by some good food,reading for sometime and some fun.More or less good things.After having spent nearly half the life time of an average human being,I wonder is all this really true?Of these three decades that I have tread on this earth,it have only four years or so that I have stayed away from Family.I do miss those special days.It was always nice.I am not much of a party freak,even though I am called a "people -person".So this year I decided i would spend it on a much lighter tone.It was just a very small international "close friends" circle.So how does one define close?Well,this is kind of fuzzy.For it never remains the same.We make choice where we want to be.Does it matter that someone we like does not decide to be with us?Not really.So except for a few wishes to some of my friends and family,I did not do much.Its not that I am not thinking about them..it has to just do with the fact that I want to experience the feeling of being happy in one's own presence.Wow,I have not touched that phone in the last 16 hours or so.Apart from the fact that it is kind of a new year resolution to be on the phone for as little time as possible,it has also got to do with me running out of my daytime minutes.Yeah,responsible me! I am thankful to a lot of people who have been responsible for me being present here today.I thank them all..not on the phone,not even in person,but as a silent prayer to God to bless them.Fot they had accepted me as what I was and stood by my side.Recently my social circle has been growing again,and I am kind of scared.Why?Well I am the kind of person who likes stability.Larger induce greater instability..this is what I learnt from a dear from of mine KA.One of those few you can talk to without being afraid of being yourself.Is it just me?Ofcourse not.I dont think so.
Recently I came across this well educated,quite ,good looking(I still doubt it,But my friends think it is so) woman.I did find her presence quite charming.But then it was frightening enough when she was presumptuos about my behavior towards her.Hah!I then had to do some kind of damage control and is now a part of history.On the same note I guess I fell out of the graces of a very sociable cosmopolitian indian human species.Does it matter?Well, life goes on...That is what I have learnt.I am happy to be back on my feet.I was fortunate enough to not succumb to different pressure fronts that I had to face and look up to the new year for health, prosperity and fame.More importantly I seem to be leaning more towards my career as an astrophysicist with more gusto than before and that is a Good Sign.Taking stock,

Moments of delirious sadness
Have ,but disappeared .
What exists is Hope
And in its presence Everything shall be born.

A Recipe For Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!

Well,I learnt this recipe for a sweet dish from a Bengali friend of mine and made some variatiosn to it.I have not christened it as such,but then whats there in a name.Tried it out for Diwali.Later my roomie took my help for Id and did the same dish.A few of my friends have tried it out.Its time I let the world know about it.Here we go:
(1) Mix a 14 oz can of condensed milk and 24 oz of Ricotta cheese till a fine blend is achieved.
(2)Pour it into a tray(the thickness is your choice)
(3) Set the oven for 275 degrees and place the tray in it for 20 to 25 minutes.
(4)Meanwhile roast some cashews &pistachios. Mix it with raisins and lay the topping over the half baked mixture .Push them a little bit inside using a spoon or a knife.
(5)Put it back inot the oven for 30 to 35 minutes until the mixture has solidified.
(6)Remove it from the oven and put it aside.You might want to drain the water that you see on the sides.
(7)Refrigerate and serve!
Enjoy..Let me know if u try it out....
P.S. My bengali connections dont end here.

What are the traits of a Good Ph.D student?

You give up well paying jobs to pursue something you like. You do want to do a Ph.D in Astrophysics, Math,Bio-chemistry or something similar.Then rest assured that (atleast the first couple of years)days will be filled with classes,arguments at the chalk/white boards, a quick lunch and optimism.Evenings start with more discussions and ofcourse end with worries about your grades.Nights carry with them HWs,restlessness ,late night pizzas and a "four-hour" nap on the office table.After all this you start with your research hoping to add your contribution to the sea of knowledge that keeps growing.A Ph.D is more or less a journey into the wild.You shall learn to be a survivor if you come out a better person than before.You spend nearly a twelfth of you life doing it.So learn to do it well.Came across this article which gives some worthy suggestions about being a good Ph.D student:
http://www.nature.com/naturejobs/2006/060511/full/nj7090-252b.html
Enjoy reading it!!

Where do we fit in?

In life,quite often,we are confronted with situations where we have to make a conscious choice out of the options presented to us:Do I study or work?Should I take up this job?Should I call up home or not?Is this the right girl/guy for me?Should I do this work or not?A million questions and a trillion choices!!Sometimes we think a lot about this and sometimes we let providence take over.Whatever might be the course of action,it helps to kind of walk through the problem/issue at hand and actaully analyze the situations we probably would be in.

So,have there been times when you have regretted about the choices you have made or thought that you could have been something better in life?Have you ever asked yourself where you fit in into the bigger picture?Well remember you are not alone.You may not be the haute couture gal ,the scientist who made some major discovery or the financial advisor to a Goverment of a country or even a prize-winning writer.But then,you still have a place in this setup called the Universe.You have your small contributions that matter to people:You may be a teacher influencing the minds of young people,you may be a great friend, a caring mother,a dutiful wife,a good research advisor or just someone who can smile at people,make them feel better.Remember,the picture would not be complete without you!Greatness is but a temporary state;we all have our moments of greatness.It just depends on how you define it.

But whatever we do we just need to remember that
"When we pick up one end of the stick we pick up the other end too.So learn to live with your choices."
That pretty much addresses our concerns!

An Offering...

In this fast paced reel called life do we get time to stop,think and do things that make us feel good,better?More than time,do we make a conscious effort to add value to our lives?Make it far more richer,not in the material sense but rather in terms of how we feel.Moments which give us a sense of direction...make our live far more fulfiiling. It is true that there can be different things which can make a person happy,but then there are those true moments when you genuinely feel happy,light,unbound....And this is a highly dependent upon the person one is talking about.
October 14th,2006 was the last Saturday in the month of Puratasi. This was accidentally brought to my notice by P.It was 7.21pm and the last few hours had been spent looking at some atomic data and a decision was taken to attend the weekly VS meeting at PBs place.So the next few minutes were spent walking to Press,"the great hangout" in the minds of a few people who had spent a small part of their lives there!As usual people started trickling in and the session started at 8pm or so.S was excited that it was a Puratasi Saturday and was suprised that PB had not made any sweets to offer to Lord Venkateshwara.LA and VS were recited as usual .All this culminated with PB doing the aarthi and handing out the prasad.Then the most unexpected came.And it did come at the right time...atleast for me.Brilliant,Refreshing and Stimulating.A vocal Offering to the Lord.SS sang devotedly which did quite a few times transform me to a different world...paint pictures of Sri Ranganatha,Krishna,Malayappa..all in the mental world.One had to be there to feel the magnetic effect.An offering so spontaneous,pure and touching.In particular "Kurai Onrum Illai" was moving,touching..down deep that one could feel the soul resonate with the divine.Do we really have worries?Or are they just manifestation of our mind?A state that could be healed...All it took was to be just present there when the offering to the Almighty was made.It begs the question "Is HE so compassionate,that the moment when you forget everything else and just meditate on Him,there seem to be no worries whatsoever?"Or is it "something to do with stuff like NLP"?I do not want to answer it.I was just happy to be there when the offering was made. As i walked down the steps,Kurai Onrum IIlai was on my lips...everything felt light..happy.It was hardly 5 minutes, my next door neighbours(they havent said a Hi to me from the day I have been here) knocked on the Door to ask me if I wanted Prasad from the temple."Sure, why not"was my reply. I reread the mail from SM,curled up my legs and played M.S's Kurai Onrum Illai.

Death’s Knoll

The eyes are closed, wishing
For the moments to be filled

With silence and peace, unknown
To the devil that resides within.

The fists clasp, strands
Of hope in the heavy darkness

Wishing and willing dreams
Into reality, beyond the empty stares

For death’s hand does
He often seek.

Temple heights, polished pews,
Softened sandstone of modern mosques

All created and recreated
With million imprints of galloping minds

Stand in subdued silence
Counting quarters

With the face of Hope
Engraved; for the moment

Of forced exit, cosmic churning and cleansing
Shall but see the dawn.

What!!!!!!!!!!

Black...thats the color i dislike the most.Black cars,black dresses,black...anything..they were just objects which conveyed a sense of death,despair,of loss of hope and of unfinished things. This must suggest that i possibly like light colors;maybe pink.Haha..well i do own a few garments which are pink and i love to wear them to social gatherings pretty much aware that it was just ruining prospects of ending the dry phase of being single.Hmm...Still i wear pink.

It was a Saturday evening.I had been invited to one of the freshers party that are planned at the beginning of the academic year.Hmm..another chance to get to know more people.It helps to keep floating around in the space called humanity for no less reason than not to feel lonely.So i agreed to accompany my friend to the party.To my suprise i got to meet some people i already knew and it was not tough to coalesce with the gathering.Then all of a sudden i spotted a flower..fresh,radiant;i cannot find the right words to describe her.And she was dressed in BLACK!!Did that make me not appreciate the beauty that i was being assaulted with;heck ..no.

I remember..

I Remember

Those things
Forgotten

Immersed in
Time

Scathing and
Soothing

All at
Once.


I remember
Conversations overheard


In the gloom of
The other man’s sadness

Within the bone-white boundaries
Of the hospital room

In the silence
Of the polished pew.


I remember
Now;
This minute that I have.