On a trip to Bangladesh....!

" Some people are dealt with a bad set of cards

Conversations

With myself:
Do you realise that it is only after a period of chaos that we actually come to appreciate stilness;of quiet; of unperturbed happiness?That,we realise a childish happiness that we seldom see these days.Something that the “infamous five women on the couch” cannot put a finger on!Do you realise that carnatic music and coffee can just as well set things right.That faith is very important.That there is GOD masquerading as friends. That the message in “Sex and Breakfast” is right.

LD has been one of my anchors in my life at UK. Our relationship was never defined.I belive that it would never have to be. In one of the few chats that I have on my way to the coffee shop to grade or work on some theoretical physics problem (Yes,like most of the writers,I get quite a lot done in external chaos),we had a discussion about what we we would do if we were marooned on an island. An added clause: Not for ever,but,say, a couple of years . Maybe a few months ago,I would have said “May be spend time on the island with a beautiful carnatic singer(Ofcourse, it has to be a woman!)”
But recently I have had an almost religious conversion.I do not mean that associated with GOD.But rather embracing my old friend:Condensed Matter Physics.And when you are actually taught by two all time greats: JPS and GM;you just dont miss it. Ofcourse there were well prepared graduate students who are actual theorists,unlike a half baked one like me. These people along with GM and JPS made me realise what I actually wanted out of life.To understand nature and teach young people to do the same.Under the mentorship of JPS,I seem to be doing a good job on the second one.But about the first task,I realise I need to train myself more and more. Well coming to the point as to with whom would I spend couple of years marooned on an Island:It has to be GM. He is the only graduate teacher who teaches without any notes for a complete 75 minutes. Everything perfect,knowledge just seemed to flow.Imagine being his only student for a full two years! It would be like learning the secret chants from Brihaspathi himself!(I sometimes wonder if Sukracharyar was smarter than Brihaspathi) When I told this to LD,she burst out laughing!

AG and me have spent almost every weekend together for the last couple of years:whether it be shopping at Kroger,the Indian supermarket or just watching a movie.He is one of the few intellectuals I get to hang out with.We talk about a range of topics from spiritualism to GOD to religion to markets to Intelligence.AG has this view that there are only a few intelligent people on this planet.He says them have an inherent intelligence. I beg to differ. I believe an early start, proper guidance and accessibilty to tools can make one reach the same level when all the efforts are focused along that particular direction. GM says the same.I believe it.

Sunday Rituals: Down Memory lane

I remember a long time ago,almost two decades ago,when Sundays used to be very simple,wonderful and something I would always look for.The day would start as usual at 6 or 6.30 am with mom's Green Label Coffee in my glass/cup(Believe me,I had this "ever"silver tumbler with stripes and I would drink anything and everything from this cup alone).Whatever part of the year it was,I remember mornings were always quite pleasant.I would walk the thirty or forty feet in my compound to the gate and wait for the newspaper guy.We used to subscribe to "The Hindu" and I continue to read it even today.I believe it was and remains to be one classy,objective paper.Their Sundays were special,as were the other newspapers.It carried the magazine section which had sections on literature,art,music and the stars.When i say stars,i mean astrological predictions.There also used to be the matrimonial and employment section which caught my attention in my late teens and early twenties.It served as my window to the world.An indicator to the complications that would arise in the years to come.
After reading the newspaper on the stairs,keeping it away from my dad and sister,I would take my bath with the luke-warm water in the three-fourth filled green bucket.Chennai has always had a drought as far as i could remember.So I had to satisfy myself with the little water I had.With the perfume of "Hammam" still in air,I would dress up to go to the nearby temple.Later or there were times when I would take a bus to go to favorite temple of mine. As I grew up,I started combining a trip to the market to get fresh vegetables and greens.It was fun to haggle with the vendors.There was an advantage to this,Whatever extra money I saved,I could keep it!That saved up money would dutifully go towards buying used books at the store.
Once I was back,at around 9 am I would have fresh, fluffy,hot idlies with egg korma waiting.This would be consumed with much relish watching the program on Doordarshan.
Lunch was had with a huge number of relatives at my grandmothers place,with a huge spread and the usual national movie with English Subtitles.Post lunch slumber followed.As the family was asleep I would creep out to the nearby public library to read tintin and later on maybe catch a movie at the nearby theater.
After dinner,the family would make its way back home in a hand pulled rickshaw.It used to cost three rupees.Later on we started using autorickshaws.We would all got to bed by 9.00pm with the transistor playing old tamil songs.We would have been rested and refereshed,ready to welcome Monday.This was years ago.

In the Cauldron...

A wide expanse of
White, blue, black and gray
In His brewing bowl
Weed, shells, you, me and many more.

Doubt &The Seminal Truth

Quite unplanned, I watched the movie "Doubt" with a couple of my friends.This made me ponder about the idea of "being in love".Does love exist?I have been a hopeless romantic who had always held on religiously to this idea of love.The idea that has so ceremoniously been celebrated by poets and writers across cultures and over centuries of civilized mankind.But does it really exist?

Friends,God and Hindusim!

Some of the people close to me complain that i have a huge circle of friends and that I should reduce my social interaction if I need to complete my Ph.D. The last few years have been an almost an impossible arduous climb.Too many disappointments.Too many disasters.Too much for others to understand.All through, the one aspect which has kept me sane,filled me with hope and restored some order in my life it has been friends.They had been my family.This has only made me more empathetic towards the needs of others.This has only made me more human.However,I have been trying to focus on more concrete and important issues in Life:Like being there for helpless children.
All said and done this new year I told myself that I would insulate myself from most of the people.To some extent I did,except for a few exceptions.
I have been a part of a group in Lexington for a very long time.This group means a lot to me.Somehow all the members of the group ended up not being with me on the New Years eve!Hmm!
On the new year day i ended up going to the temple and chanting V.S.This was completely unplanned and gave me a lot of happiness and peace.Somehow I am still not able to convince my physics atheist friends about the existence of God.But this does not deter me from having faith.My resolve gets only stronger!
In the presence of faith,hope is born
In the presence of hope,love becomes a possibility
In the presence of love,anything is possible!

As the days pass by my faith in Hinduism becomes stronger and stronger.This is fuelled by my belief in Karma and it being the reason for the suffering that I see in mankind.Though i am strong follower of hinduism,I am very secular and appreciate the fact that Hindusim accomodates almost every religion that I know of!

New Year!

Another Beginning...an uprising against decadence!No Plan B!

Empathy!Do I have it?

BP and I used to spend hours together discussing art,literature and the rest of the stuff in the world.The frequency matching was awesome in many ways;except for one issue.BP always claimed that I lacked empathy.This issue had troubled me for years!Was i really a person with no empathy.I didnt know that time.

Years have passed.Now MP claims the same.Is it true that I lack empathy or is it my impatience that gets to people.I believe its the second.MP would never agree to that.I beg to differ.In the recent past I have been able to understand people:acquaintances, students and other family members.I have been able to empathize with them and be a support that they want.

Its my firm belief that empathy is a response to the way one acts and reacts.It is dictated by an individuals attitude and action.One should be willing to let go of barriers for the love to flow.It is then that true empathy exists instead of sympathy!

BP and MP: You both were wrong!

P: Missing being with you!!

A blue tee;
A Sparkling smile;
Shaped Eyebrows;
A green bottle;
Cupid's classic act!!

Inspiring Poems

Mother to Son
by
Langston Hughes


Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you finds it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

``````````````````````````````````

Hope Abides

Hope abides; therefore I abide.
Countless frustrations have not cowed me.
I am still alive, vibrant with life.
The black cloud will disappear,
The morning sun will appear once again
In all its supernal glory.

- Sri Chinmoy

Duality of Life!

Sometimes life comes at you fast and you don’t really realize what is going on. We seldom take time to observe this. We keep moving on. I am at a point where I need to restructure and re-strategize my life. From shifting fields of interest, to trying to mend a non-existing relationship, to being in the middle of a cat fight, to making sure that a few children have a peaceful night’s sleep: the last few months have been insane. I realize I have been making some of the mistakes that I have made before. I learn yet again that detachment is what keeps one away from sadness. That happiness and sadness are twin sisters who are essentially the same.D
reams of flying, of elephants chasing in temples, of tsunamis, of loss : they plague me too constantly. Family and friends are both a source, as well as a drain on my energy. Hah! The duality of life!

Love: For believers in God!

Just because you dont see God, do you give up seeking him/her?

Love is such.To have not felt it or experienced it or failed at it: It doesnt mean you give up the search.

Love exists in several forms.You just need the patience and perseverance to find it!

Sparsh: The Touch

A Life

Of Silences

Of stolen dreams

Of taunting memories

I see.

A Life

Of hope

Of Joy unleashed

Of Unbridled spirits

I dream.

I reach out

To turn things around;

To touch and heal.

Come.

Join me.

-Humeshkar Nemala

Passing thoughts!

Sometimes we come across people who spice up your life with just their presence.You love them.Cherish them.Want them.And know only too well it is not possible.Yet there is that bit of intangible hope,a desire:chained and buried.To P.I know I will cherish you for ever.
A life....
Of silences
Of Stolen Glances
Of Acerbic words
Of floating dreams and Grounded realities
We continue to live
In the subconcious taverns
Of our fragile minds;
Accepting and Acknowledging
Each others presence!

Twice scorned!

He flipped through the pages of the novel which had won the Booker recently.Disinterested,he looked away towards the door,as if he was expecting someone.The music of Sudha Raghunathan on his ipod was stimulating.Yet,there was a sense of dissatisfaction.Listless.Thathow he would define it. The cappuchino cup was empty.He had been frequenting the new coffee shop on the central campus.Infact he found the place quite invigorating and went on to solve radiative transfer problems with ease.He licked the last bit of the hummus which was on the plate he had ordered almost an hour ago. It was sunday evening.The ususal suspects,his friends, were not there. He wondered what the Canadian Adam was upto. He thought maybe he should call Gayathri and talk to her. Tim was busy with his high energy physics.He was almost about to leave.It was almost 8.He had to TA for a class early the next day.There was stuff to grade.He had to prepare for the class tomorrow.A minute of silence.He closed his eyes and imagined to lock up all his thoughts in a steel chest and throw it deep into the see.That was the end of that weekend.His last two had been more interesting.


About a month ago he had met her at a friends place.Shrishti.She seemed to be quite.Said a hi and made him some tea. He never thought he would meet her again.let alone talk to her twice a day,crib about stuff in general and lend his patient ear to her ramblings.But it happened.There was no looking back

Love,Laughter,Friendship and the Zen of being happy

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Walking the extra mile.....

Whether it is an assignemnet or a deal that needs to be closed or a simple issue of letting someone know what they mean to us, putting in the extra effort to make things different what matters sometimes.

6.10 Am ( A work of fiction)

Its cold and I am in the middle of a dream. Days of insomnia has deprived me of sound sleep.Every day was like a formless white mass mottled with dots of incoherent events; a tie-and-die piece of art by a four year old.Prozac.Racy tunes from latest bollywood hits.An incessant stream of thoughts. Splenda falvored icecreams.Buttery rich popcorn.Coffee from the gas station.Pretty much that seemed to define me.Me.I.Why was I labelling this unfathomable me with a single alphabet "I"?I had moved from Chennai to Stockholm to Auburn. The world was presenting me with fewer and fewer options.To move.To redefine.To be born again.From death to life.

"Good Morning,Mom"
"Good morning Kanna"
Thats how my Mom calls me.
"Mom,how is Dad?"
"He is doing better.The doctors are planning to discharge him tomorrow"
"Good.Good.So are you fine with funds?"
"Kanna,I shall manage it somehow.Dont worry"
I make a mental note to visit Western Union within the next few hours.
"Mom,Yashoda Aunty will not live for long".Tears cloud my eyes.I know its is dark and nobody will be able to see me crying seated on the steps on the third floor.I had started favoring the spot after I had moved in with Dinakar.I could see the stop sign ahead on the road.The construction which was coming up.The occasional car or two which passed through the street.

Heights of Stupidity

Have you ever dropped a phone in water and had to throw it away?

Have you forgotten and put a plastic bowl on an electric stove?

Have you broken a porcelain cup? And injured yourself walking on a small shred you didn’t see?

Have you made changes to your code and did not take a back up? And lost it all?

Have you locked a cabin/desk which doesn’t have a key?

Have you said something you should not have said in front of a girl or a guy you like?

Have you washed your clothes in the laundry along with the new jump drive?

You probably have done all these at some point of your life. Stupid acts of carelessness. Maybe even more stupid ones than what has been mentioned above. Every time we see someone do something like this we judge. Call them stupid. What we don’t realize is the fact that we all do stupid things. It’s only the degree of stupidity which varies. So, the next time you decide on calling someone stupid, think!

Medical Breakthroughs/Miracles

My interests have included many things: politics, economics, science (in particular astrophysics), poetry and culinary delights! Though I cannot boast about my authority in any particular field I consider myself as a Jack of all trades. However in the recent past two issues or rather fields, in a broad sense, have been successful in capturing my attention: that of medicine and stocks. Not because these two are elite fields which can fill coffers quickly, but rather because of the awe and risk associated with them. The pure sense of disbelief which grips an individual whenever something big happens. Whether it is the rise, continued by a further rise and then a sudden fall in the stock prices of a company having its offices in Lexington or the prospect of saving a four-year old somewhere in UK, it gives me an unknown high when I hear about it. The conversation might happen over a casual cup of tea with this new doctor friend of mine, who has an ardent interest in poetry and painting, or over a platter of medhu vadas at the local Indian restaurant with a couple of friends after a visit to the temple.The last week I came across some information which generated enough excitement in me to jump up, read it loud and share it with my friends and family.I thought it was worthy enough to put it on my blog.

The pancreas is a small leaf like organ which produces both exocrinic and endocrinic juices. In short it plays a very important role in the digestion of the food you partake and also in regulating the blood sugars. However in some cases people get diagnosed with pancreatitis. It basically means that your pancreas is inflamed. This could lead to several complications including death. There are two types of pancreatitis: Acute pancreatitis (symptoms include nausea, vomiting, acute abdominal pain) and chronic pancreatitis. Both these forms are dangerous and can cause tissue death of the pancreas. There can also be complications leading to pancreatic cancer. One of the greatest discoveries that can happen is a way of dealing with this problem : Something that would amount to the regeneration of the pancreas. There seems to be light at the end of the tunnel!!Scientific American reports that Belgian scientists have found pancreatic stem cells in mice. If this could be extrapolated to human beings it would serve as a great boon to people suffering from diabetes resulting from the destruction of the beta cells in the pancreas. Hip Hip Hurray!! Though one cannot say with conviction that a cure will be found in the next decade or so, it is still a beginning. A beginning that could bring cheer, to more than 180 million people world wide (according to a WHO estimate), suffering from this disorder. Yes people diabetes is not a disease it is a disorder!

The other piece of news which astonished me was the ingenuity of doctors in UK to use Viagra to keep a four year old alive and fighting a serious heart condition. Viagra is not something one would associate with young girls, but it required thinking out of the box to use it to keep a human life going! Let us hope and pray that Jessica Findlay survives severe multiple bilateral pulmonary stenosis (that’s the name of the condition she suffers from). It is at times like this I start believing in Karma. As a physicist it’s almost blasphemous to be thinking about it, but how else does one explain this cruelty meted out to an unfortunate few?

Demi-Lee Brenan, a fifteen year old Australian girl, witnessed her blood group change from O negative to O positive on receiving a liver transplant. The livers blood stem cells brought about this change by invading her body’s bone marrow. Having happened for the first time this has baffled doctors and scientists all over the world!