She placed her feet together trying to get the initial pose before she could start dancing.She was dressed in green as usual.Another reason for me to like her.Childish with neck high hair,she pushed it back back with a wave of her hand.Oblivious to my presence, she continued with her routine.
Could I see tears in her eyes?I didnt know.There was this icy wall right now which made no sense.Priya broke the news to me. "You know Archie is getting married?"For a minute I could not believe what I was hearing.In a moment my hair was wet, darkening the blue shirt collar of mine.Devastated.Was it the right word?I didnt know!How did it matter at all.Just the previous evening they had shared a cup of coffee at the new place that had opened downtown. A writer by choice, I found conversations with her very engaging; providing enough input for my columns.As usual her talk is intellectual,soft and endearing.We talk about what big dreamers we are,about what we wanted out of our lives,pending assignments and my desire to learn classical carnatic music.We never talked about weddings!
On impulse I wanted to shout at Archana and storm out of her bedroom.I still had the cup of coffee Anjali had given me.It was still hot.I had given up coffee as it was messing up with my health. Somehow it had been drummed into me that coffee and cigarettes go well with writers.However I was a big NO-NO to cigarettes. The last visit to the hospital had opened my eyes even more. I saw an addict suffer with a broken back and an unsatiable urge to smoke. But i was beginning to get back to coffee. Slowing rotating the cup in my hand I asked in a very low tone:"Is it true?".Archie continues with her performance. No expression what soever evident on her face.Her feet move faster and faster. Her eyes look into the not so distant spaces of the room.
I place the cup on the floor. I get my jacket and move towards the door. That would probably be my last visit to Westcreek apartments.As I open the door someone tugs me.I turn around and Archie collapses into my arms wailing:"Nanda,dont leave me.Dont ever leave me.Please.I will call home today"
The weather at lexington had been horrible for over a week now.April 15th was dark,cloudy and wet.
All of a sudden I am reminded of the special seminar at 11Am. I had been waiting for this lecture for so long.Hydrodyamics, radiative transport and all that jazz. I scramble for my phone,manage to dislodge two books from the table and yell:"My God,its 10:25". Hell, that is a good ending but I guess I didnt have much time to dream.
It was almost 8pm in Vijayanagaram.The cool evening breeze carried the sea with it. Jyothi was tired.Exhausted by the tons of rituals she had to go through. Sarath was by her side chatting away with her relatives. "I am a happy man", he tells them."I have Jyothi".She had taken away the garlands and changed into a more comfortable attire. She was happy to see all her batch mates attend her wedding.It was nice.Atlast married.She went through the list of people who had not attended the wedding.It was Sunday,April 15th.There was no reason for people to miss it!Suddenly she realised she was missing someone.Nanda had not called.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Being Married :A thing or two that I learnt
Imagine that you come to the United States for higher education. Plan to do a Ph.D and stay alone for a really long time trying to leave a footprint in the history of mankind.Then out of the blue you let a woman enter your life.It is very different having a woman all of a sudden. Having to share your personal space.The kitchen.The bathroom.The bedroom.Things can be quite different.But then it is not really bad.You learn a thing or two. I have learnt to stop and look at nature.Smell the roses,so as to say.I have started to enjoy simple things in life.I have begun to pray for the individual in the ambulance,when one passes by.So it not really that bad!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Coffee Houses, Laundromats, People and Peace
There is a reason why we spend about $3 to get a hot cup of cappuccino; be it at one of the omnipresent SB stores or the local coffee shop. I have studied for exams in crowded coffee shops, planned my lectures and even graded papers. All with great ease and no stress what so ever. I always wondered how I was able to find peace in the entire din that existed. But somehow it has always worked. So I have had no reason to complain. However recently in an attempt to regularize sleeping patterns and also due to some budgetary constraints I have been trying to avoid coffee shops. Of course I do miss the wonderful smell of roasted coffee beans, the jazz music in the background, Aaron: who knows exactly how I have my coffee, the random discussions with Sarah and a lot more. However the most important thing I miss is peace. It sounds so trite. But, I somehow seem to discover peace and stability when I interact with people. That is exactly where coffee shops come in. Coffee shops are wonderful places to meet people from diverse backgrounds. And so are Laundromats. The attendant at the local Laundromat was the one who made me realize it. As I was waiting for my clothes to dry, I started a conversation with her.We talked about India, US, Education, Careers, Science, Economy. Things important to me. Ideas about them which made the world as it is today. We were later joined by a lady in her late thirties or early forties. This discussion kind of made me realize a few things in life. I also ended up telling one of my friends the recipe for happiness. And happiness is a symptom of peace. In order to find peace, we need not close our eyes and meditate below holy trees or hide ourselves in deep caves in an attempt to drown the persistent cacophony, which is a trademark of the modern world. We just need to look into the human mirrors around us. Being conscious about the present moment, keeping our minds open and ready to let the energy flow in, coffee houses and Laundromats can lead you to people and peace. Bear in mind that society is a complex system which conspires in some secret way to make us happy in the presence of others. Be a part of it. Find Peace!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Conversations
With myself:
Do you realise that it is only after a period of chaos that we actually come to appreciate stilness;of quiet; of unperturbed happiness?That,we realise a childish happiness that we seldom see these days.Something that the “infamous five women on the couch” cannot put a finger on!Do you realise that carnatic music and coffee can just as well set things right.That faith is very important.That there is GOD masquerading as friends. That the message in “Sex and Breakfast” is right.
LD has been one of my anchors in my life at UK. Our relationship was never defined.I belive that it would never have to be. In one of the few chats that I have on my way to the coffee shop to grade or work on some theoretical physics problem (Yes,like most of the writers,I get quite a lot done in external chaos),we had a discussion about what we we would do if we were marooned on an island. An added clause: Not for ever,but,say, a couple of years . Maybe a few months ago,I would have said “May be spend time on the island with a beautiful carnatic singer(Ofcourse, it has to be a woman!)”
But recently I have had an almost religious conversion.I do not mean that associated with GOD.But rather embracing my old friend:Condensed Matter Physics.And when you are actually taught by two all time greats: JPS and GM;you just dont miss it. Ofcourse there were well prepared graduate students who are actual theorists,unlike a half baked one like me. These people along with GM and JPS made me realise what I actually wanted out of life.To understand nature and teach young people to do the same.Under the mentorship of JPS,I seem to be doing a good job on the second one.But about the first task,I realise I need to train myself more and more. Well coming to the point as to with whom would I spend couple of years marooned on an Island:It has to be GM. He is the only graduate teacher who teaches without any notes for a complete 75 minutes. Everything perfect,knowledge just seemed to flow.Imagine being his only student for a full two years! It would be like learning the secret chants from Brihaspathi himself!(I sometimes wonder if Sukracharyar was smarter than Brihaspathi) When I told this to LD,she burst out laughing!
AG and me have spent almost every weekend together for the last couple of years:whether it be shopping at Kroger,the Indian supermarket or just watching a movie.He is one of the few intellectuals I get to hang out with.We talk about a range of topics from spiritualism to GOD to religion to markets to Intelligence.AG has this view that there are only a few intelligent people on this planet.He says them have an inherent intelligence. I beg to differ. I believe an early start, proper guidance and accessibilty to tools can make one reach the same level when all the efforts are focused along that particular direction. GM says the same.I believe it.
Do you realise that it is only after a period of chaos that we actually come to appreciate stilness;of quiet; of unperturbed happiness?That,we realise a childish happiness that we seldom see these days.Something that the “infamous five women on the couch” cannot put a finger on!Do you realise that carnatic music and coffee can just as well set things right.That faith is very important.That there is GOD masquerading as friends. That the message in “Sex and Breakfast” is right.
LD has been one of my anchors in my life at UK. Our relationship was never defined.I belive that it would never have to be. In one of the few chats that I have on my way to the coffee shop to grade or work on some theoretical physics problem (Yes,like most of the writers,I get quite a lot done in external chaos),we had a discussion about what we we would do if we were marooned on an island. An added clause: Not for ever,but,say, a couple of years . Maybe a few months ago,I would have said “May be spend time on the island with a beautiful carnatic singer(Ofcourse, it has to be a woman!)”
But recently I have had an almost religious conversion.I do not mean that associated with GOD.But rather embracing my old friend:Condensed Matter Physics.And when you are actually taught by two all time greats: JPS and GM;you just dont miss it. Ofcourse there were well prepared graduate students who are actual theorists,unlike a half baked one like me. These people along with GM and JPS made me realise what I actually wanted out of life.To understand nature and teach young people to do the same.Under the mentorship of JPS,I seem to be doing a good job on the second one.But about the first task,I realise I need to train myself more and more. Well coming to the point as to with whom would I spend couple of years marooned on an Island:It has to be GM. He is the only graduate teacher who teaches without any notes for a complete 75 minutes. Everything perfect,knowledge just seemed to flow.Imagine being his only student for a full two years! It would be like learning the secret chants from Brihaspathi himself!(I sometimes wonder if Sukracharyar was smarter than Brihaspathi) When I told this to LD,she burst out laughing!
AG and me have spent almost every weekend together for the last couple of years:whether it be shopping at Kroger,the Indian supermarket or just watching a movie.He is one of the few intellectuals I get to hang out with.We talk about a range of topics from spiritualism to GOD to religion to markets to Intelligence.AG has this view that there are only a few intelligent people on this planet.He says them have an inherent intelligence. I beg to differ. I believe an early start, proper guidance and accessibilty to tools can make one reach the same level when all the efforts are focused along that particular direction. GM says the same.I believe it.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Sunday Rituals: Down Memory lane
I remember a long time ago,almost two decades ago,when Sundays used to be very simple,wonderful and something I would always look for.The day would start as usual at 6 or 6.30 am with mom's Green Label Coffee in my glass/cup(Believe me,I had this "ever"silver tumbler with stripes and I would drink anything and everything from this cup alone).Whatever part of the year it was,I remember mornings were always quite pleasant.I would walk the thirty or forty feet in my compound to the gate and wait for the newspaper guy.We used to subscribe to "The Hindu" and I continue to read it even today.I believe it was and remains to be one classy,objective paper.Their Sundays were special,as were the other newspapers.It carried the magazine section which had sections on literature,art,music and the stars.When i say stars,i mean astrological predictions.There also used to be the matrimonial and employment section which caught my attention in my late teens and early twenties.It served as my window to the world.An indicator to the complications that would arise in the years to come.
After reading the newspaper on the stairs,keeping it away from my dad and sister,I would take my bath with the luke-warm water in the three-fourth filled green bucket.Chennai has always had a drought as far as i could remember.So I had to satisfy myself with the little water I had.With the perfume of "Hammam" still in air,I would dress up to go to the nearby temple.Later or there were times when I would take a bus to go to favorite temple of mine. As I grew up,I started combining a trip to the market to get fresh vegetables and greens.It was fun to haggle with the vendors.There was an advantage to this,Whatever extra money I saved,I could keep it!That saved up money would dutifully go towards buying used books at the store.
Once I was back,at around 9 am I would have fresh, fluffy,hot idlies with egg korma waiting.This would be consumed with much relish watching the program on Doordarshan.
Lunch was had with a huge number of relatives at my grandmothers place,with a huge spread and the usual national movie with English Subtitles.Post lunch slumber followed.As the family was asleep I would creep out to the nearby public library to read tintin and later on maybe catch a movie at the nearby theater.
After dinner,the family would make its way back home in a hand pulled rickshaw.It used to cost three rupees.Later on we started using autorickshaws.We would all got to bed by 9.00pm with the transistor playing old tamil songs.We would have been rested and refereshed,ready to welcome Monday.This was years ago.
After reading the newspaper on the stairs,keeping it away from my dad and sister,I would take my bath with the luke-warm water in the three-fourth filled green bucket.Chennai has always had a drought as far as i could remember.So I had to satisfy myself with the little water I had.With the perfume of "Hammam" still in air,I would dress up to go to the nearby temple.Later or there were times when I would take a bus to go to favorite temple of mine. As I grew up,I started combining a trip to the market to get fresh vegetables and greens.It was fun to haggle with the vendors.There was an advantage to this,Whatever extra money I saved,I could keep it!That saved up money would dutifully go towards buying used books at the store.
Once I was back,at around 9 am I would have fresh, fluffy,hot idlies with egg korma waiting.This would be consumed with much relish watching the program on Doordarshan.
Lunch was had with a huge number of relatives at my grandmothers place,with a huge spread and the usual national movie with English Subtitles.Post lunch slumber followed.As the family was asleep I would creep out to the nearby public library to read tintin and later on maybe catch a movie at the nearby theater.
After dinner,the family would make its way back home in a hand pulled rickshaw.It used to cost three rupees.Later on we started using autorickshaws.We would all got to bed by 9.00pm with the transistor playing old tamil songs.We would have been rested and refereshed,ready to welcome Monday.This was years ago.
Monday, January 05, 2009
In the Cauldron...
A wide expanse of
White, blue, black and gray
In His brewing bowl
Weed, shells, you, me and many more.
White, blue, black and gray
In His brewing bowl
Weed, shells, you, me and many more.
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